No, I am not talking about the HUGE snowstorm expected to hit today and bury us under “record accumulations”
I am talking about my anxiety, anger and depression that hits me when this weather strikes in full force. I have been doing very well since the middle of December when, between an adjustment in meds and finding a permanent/full-time job, I have kept these emotions in check. I have noticed a slight decline over the past week and denying it by chalking it up to exhaustion while training. Today is the day I realize that I’ve been telling myself a little white lie.
I am at work, alternating between watching the snow accumulate on the cars and parking lot and news reports on the internet (I am glued to http://www.weathernj.com/) fighting tears, an anxiety attack and extreme anger. I feel like I am all alone in my concerns or, on the opposite side, annoyed at my co-workers who keep harping on it, thereby increasing my anxiety. Fortunately they have decided to close our office tomorrow and we will be checking in regarding Wednesday. Unfortunately, regardless of the fact that Chris Christie (love him or hate him) declared a state of emergency adding; “This is going to present some very dangerous and difficult conditions on our roadways,” Christie said. “If you do not have to drive, please remain home and remain off the roads.”
It is already 2:00 p.m. and our office has yet to say anything about closing early. There was a storm in January 2014 that was not expected to dump as much snow (this storm is being anticipated at 1-2′, yes that is FEET, by the time the accumulations are totaled in my area) but it came down so fast that my typical 35-40 minute commute took me 4 HOURS. According to many people, I got off easy with that amount of time! I just spoke to someone who suffered for 8 (EIGHT) hours to get home – their typical commute was an average of 45 minutes. From what I can see, the longer we wait, the closer to this we will be.
My emotions cannot handle this right now.
I know I cannot control the weather and I can only control my reaction to it. Today, I lack that control.