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Mine is Any World by Steely Dan.

I’ve recently discovered some things about myself and one of them happened during a conversation with a dear friend. All of my life I’ve strived to be good enough (which really means perfect or flawless), and, in order to be perfect, I can’t be ME because I am not perfect, flawless or good enough, period.  Fortunately I am already at the point where I know the reasons for this feeling and I am taking steps to change these feelings. Knowing and feeling, as anyone who has coped with things in their life, are completely independent of themselves. If they weren’t, the term detachment wouldn’t need to exist in psychological terms.

Anyway, back to my point…sorry…

Living with this feeling is exhausting. In order to try and be perfect to EVERYONE, I needed to be who they wanted me to be, whether or not I KNEW what it was they expected me to be! So, in essence, I had to be a different person to every person I encountered in my life.

Almost 39 years later I realized that by living this way, I have no clue who I am.  I have no idea what MY wants are. I’ve never had goals or aspirations of my own; my goals have always been based on who I was working for or whom I was going out with at the time, or what circle of friends I was with.  My ideas were always small, insignificant, boring. Their ideas were lofty, but attainable. This is why I am excellent at starting things, yet I seldom carry anything through to completion.  Since most of the things I choose to do in my life for myself only really matter to me, then what is the point in completing them because they don’t matter to anyone else.  They only matter to me, and I don’t matter.

Right before I sat down to type this post, Any World by Steely Dan came on.  This is one of my favorite Steely Dan songs, and for the first time I truly understood why.  It is how I’ve lived most of my life.  I’ve actually quit my job, ran (on the road) through the misty night time, and I was ready when my feet touched down, and the folks always had me. “Any world that I’m welcome to is better than the one I come from.”

Your turn!  Do you have a song like this?  I’d love to hear about it if you’d like to share!

 

If you haven’t heard the song, or need a refresher, here are the lyrics:
ANY WORLD (THAT I’M WELCOME TO)

If I had my way
I would move to another lifetime
I’d quit my job
Ride the train through the misty nighttime
I’ll be ready when my feet touch ground
Wherever I come down
And if the folks will have me
Then they’ll have me
CHORUS:
Any world that I’m welcome to
Is better than the one I come from

I can hear your words
When you speak of what you are and have seen
I can see your hand
Reaching out through a shining daydream
Where the days and nights are not the same
Captured happy in a picture frame
Honey I will be there
Yes I’ll be there

CHORUS

I got this thing inside me
That’s got to find a place to hide me
I only know I must obey
This feeling I can’t explain away

I think I’ll go to the park
Watch the children playing
Perhaps I’ll find in my head
What my heart is saying
A vision of a child returning
A kingdom where the sky is burning
Honey I will be there
Yes I’ll be there

CHORUS

 

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